Sleeper not sleeping

I've been feeling pretty overwhelmed with regrets the last few days. 
While I'm very happy where I am, I can't say I'm all too pleased with how I got here. Yeah, yeah, I know- the mistakes I made are what got me where I am. I'm not convinced. I think I got here despite my mistakes. 
Why couldn't I have been perfect all the time with everything my life has thrown at me?? Was it really so much to ask of me to handle everything with grace, poise, kindness, wisdom, and patience?? Come on!! There's so much I see as unresolved from my past and the fact that it will all probably stay forever  unresolved, unfixed, and undone eats at my minimalistic, inner-peace-seeking self. 
I realize there's nothing I can do besides live how I want from now on. I know all I can do is start today as the person I want to be. I just... would sleep better if I could go back and change stuff ok!! So.. Whatever!!
It smells like a big fire outside, my baby is pretending she's a load of laundry drying in my tummy, I just finished a whole season of Say Yes to the Dress and I love my pregnant lady cocktail (prune juice and San Pellegrino on the rocks). Everything is fine. 

Let me tell you something

I'm happy. And it's not easy.
I'm one of those people that wishes they had a hundred lives to live so they could experience anything and everything there is to experience.
So when I realized I could only have one life, one path, my brain went into denial mode. I dug in my heels against reality. And it made me miserable.
I knew it was my own fault I was unhappy, but I didn't want it to be true.
And then I got pregnant.
And that's never been nor ever will be something I'm willing to take back.
So I prayed and pushed my mind and willed myself to find my thousands of experiences in the path ahead of me. It started out a constant battle, and sometimes I still struggle. But I'm finally happy and excited for what I have in front of me. I have my neurotic dog, a tiny baby (who happens to be refusing to dock at the moment), a charmingly psychotic husband, and an Everest of experiences waiting for me.

A Title This Time

Otis won't leave me alone. Literally. It's been that way all week. I tell you, he knows. There's also a full moon tonight. Baby girl has also dropped. Considering all these things, I probably won't go into labor for another two weeks.
In other news, buy our house!
Also, summer is here, finally. Spring was awful, as usual, but glory hallelujah the Sun King is back. Summer and fall are all I ever wanted. The past three summers have all been so different from each other, and this one promises to be the most radical yet. Terrifying. I suppose longer days mean more sunlight to face scary wonderful lovely things.