Yo Gabba Gabba! isn't that bad

I mean it. It's actually kind of cute.

I am often wishing that I could hold on to every friend I've ever had. 

Hazel's growing up way too fast. 

Tanner and I went to Oregon again last October. It was beautiful, as per usual. We drove, and Hazel was an angel the entire time. 

We moved into a house just behind the state capitol building, and it's absolutely wonderful- our little place, our new ward and callings, living near the city, having a backyard, hearing the bells every morning. It's slightly romantic and a bit charming, and we're loving every minute of it. 

Otis harassed the 210-pound great dane named Leo that lives next door, so Leo tried to eat him. 

It's a new year, which means self-improvement has been on my mind (although really, when isn't it?) 

I aim to be patient, kind, wise and gracious. Is that so hard? Well, if you know me, then maybe you'd say yes. The gracious part isn't always forefront in my arsenal. I wanna be a classy lady for goodness' sake! I want to be a pearls and nightgowns kind of lady. It's tricky getting through the refinery, well, refined instead of charred and crispy though, isn't it. 

Spring is only a few months away. Normally I detest spring, but I look forward to experiencing it with Hazel. Everything is brand new and exciting when you have a kid. 

Well, this is fragmented and incomplete, but I've no idea how to make it any different. 

I hope this year brings my loved ones as much goodness as it's promised to bring me.

"See what happens, Larry?"

Holy crap. I don't know how mommies keep their blogs up to date. How are they not too busy feeding, changing, rocking, staring at, and teaching their babies? Not to mention keeping the house clean and keeping themselves fed and looking somewhat presentable and running errands. How how how??
Luckily for me, I have plenty of family close by to help out, they are simply angels, all of them. Even my in-laws have been amazing. (I say "even" because most people I know really struggle with their in-laws. Mine are superb.)
Hazel is the sweetest thing on this planet. Even when she's crying her eyes out, I can't help but think about how blessed I am. This little girl has made me a better person in every aspect. She's made me healthier, more patient, more forgiving, more compassionate, more peaceful, more determined, more responsible... pretty much more awesome. And now the word more looks weird. Honestly, how quickly my anger and irritation leave when looking at that little tiny human. She puts everything into perspective.
She recently developed acid reflux. Before we knew for sure what it was and were able to treat it, our little family was miserable. She was crying all the time because she was pain, I was crying all the time because she was in pain, Otis is always crying when he doesn't get enough of my attention, and poor Tanner had to deal with it all. There's no stress quite like the stress of having to watch your kid hurt and not being able to take it away. Thank heavens for baby Zantac and rice cereal.
And thank heavens for Tanner. Every day he's what I need. Sometimes that fact irritates the hell out of me, but at the end of the day, if I can swallow my pride (which I'm trying to make a habit of doing), I see very clearly that God knew exactly what He was doing when He brought Tanner into my life. Not to say Tanner's never wrong, not to say he's perfect, but I cringe to think about where I'd be without him. And remember, I'm awesome, so we all know Tanner benefits from this relationship, too.
Mel and Greg and Asher moved a million miles away to Colorado. I miss them like crazy. They're having the time of their lives over there, but I can't wait until they (hopefully) move back in two years.
Welp, sweet child is waking up, so I suppose it's time to "publish" these scattered thoughts so they stop taking up room in my already cramped brain.

Happy Zombie

Babies are exhausting. Exhausting to make, exhausting to grow, to get here, to keep alive.
And then they squeak at you.

Look!

I had a baby! Hazel Rose Guzy. It was cuh-raaaaazy, our little adventure, but pretty awesome.

I'm hoping the crossed eyes are temporary. But if not, she pulls off the look (ha!) quite well.

Sleeper not sleeping

I've been feeling pretty overwhelmed with regrets the last few days. 
While I'm very happy where I am, I can't say I'm all too pleased with how I got here. Yeah, yeah, I know- the mistakes I made are what got me where I am. I'm not convinced. I think I got here despite my mistakes. 
Why couldn't I have been perfect all the time with everything my life has thrown at me?? Was it really so much to ask of me to handle everything with grace, poise, kindness, wisdom, and patience?? Come on!! There's so much I see as unresolved from my past and the fact that it will all probably stay forever  unresolved, unfixed, and undone eats at my minimalistic, inner-peace-seeking self. 
I realize there's nothing I can do besides live how I want from now on. I know all I can do is start today as the person I want to be. I just... would sleep better if I could go back and change stuff ok!! So.. Whatever!!
It smells like a big fire outside, my baby is pretending she's a load of laundry drying in my tummy, I just finished a whole season of Say Yes to the Dress and I love my pregnant lady cocktail (prune juice and San Pellegrino on the rocks). Everything is fine. 

Let me tell you something

I'm happy. And it's not easy.
I'm one of those people that wishes they had a hundred lives to live so they could experience anything and everything there is to experience.
So when I realized I could only have one life, one path, my brain went into denial mode. I dug in my heels against reality. And it made me miserable.
I knew it was my own fault I was unhappy, but I didn't want it to be true.
And then I got pregnant.
And that's never been nor ever will be something I'm willing to take back.
So I prayed and pushed my mind and willed myself to find my thousands of experiences in the path ahead of me. It started out a constant battle, and sometimes I still struggle. But I'm finally happy and excited for what I have in front of me. I have my neurotic dog, a tiny baby (who happens to be refusing to dock at the moment), a charmingly psychotic husband, and an Everest of experiences waiting for me.

A Title This Time

Otis won't leave me alone. Literally. It's been that way all week. I tell you, he knows. There's also a full moon tonight. Baby girl has also dropped. Considering all these things, I probably won't go into labor for another two weeks.
In other news, buy our house!
Also, summer is here, finally. Spring was awful, as usual, but glory hallelujah the Sun King is back. Summer and fall are all I ever wanted. The past three summers have all been so different from each other, and this one promises to be the most radical yet. Terrifying. I suppose longer days mean more sunlight to face scary wonderful lovely things.